With a Little Help From My Friends: Sokcho Existentialism (Part I)

A great man once told me that every great man must have the words of his favorite great men rattling in his mind when he writes. I wasn't quite sure what that meant until right now. I mean, I have always had Kant and Thompson and Bukowski running through my mind but I never figured out what that meant until just now. Hemingway once said "write drunk; edit sober." I always thought this a beautiful, simple, and inspiring quote about how writers should get drunk. While that probably has some truth to it, I have since realized that it says more about the human condition than it does about alcohol. It is talking about how humankind has two (or definitely more) sides to them and how one might be good for one thing while another is good for the other. Facing the task of writing about one of the most incredible weeks of my life has left me with a blank page and a blinking line that should be following words. I've promised many people that I would write about it soon but have been distracted by one thing or the other. It is now night time, I have had a few drinks (literally and metaphorically) and I think I am ready to take a crack at it.

Last week a select few other teacher friends and I decided to take a trip north to visit our friend Nina who lives near one of the better beaches in South Korea. After planning for a week or so we gathered a very diverse group of friends that we have met during our teacher orientation. The group was compiled of the following people...

Gypsy Jordan. Jordan is a real life hippie, even though she resents the word. She is from Halifax Canada. She has stories that seem so amazing and ridiculous that you would think they would have to be stolen from a Hunter S. Thompson or Jack Kerouac book. We call her 'Gypsy' and, other than thieving children, it is pretty accurate. She has a half sleeve of a unicorn, tattoos about alchemy all over her, and doesn't shave underneath her arms. I don't think there is any woman as beautiful (inside and out), intelligent, insightful or fun as this girl. I have never met a human who comes close to rivaling this girl's intellect and heart, and I sure as hell have never met one I would consider a true big sister.

Joe V. D. This guy, coming from UCI, right around the corner from where I went to college, is a damn enigma. You would look at this guy and think, "Hmmm. Pretty level dude. Pretty solid." But when you get to know him you will find out that he is one of the most intelligent and kind people you have ever met. He studied both Science and Creative Writing in school. He has written two novels, one of which is an amazing and incredibly original post apocalyptic novel that I will definitely be reading. This guy was the first to wake up and clean the whole apartment and has a heart the size of a boulder. I will be writing with this guy soon.

F*cking Joe C. This was my roommate for our teaching orientation for 10 days. He is from Colorado and for a few days we talked about sports and girls and the usual stuff. As I have grown to know him I feel like I have known him for longer and longer. Right now he and I, knowing each other for about a month or so, are going on five years or so. I say anything, being as crazy as I am, and this guy knows exactly what I am talking about. During this trip he has shown him self as one of the funniest and most genuine dudes that I know. Nothing out of his mouth doesn't make sense to me, and I really appreciate it.

Ariana El Paso. This girl is full of surprises. When I met her she seemed very much like a put together, critically thinking, business major. I mean that as a complement, really. One of those girls where, when you look at her, you think something like "yeah man, this girl is going to be someone's boss someday." While her impending success is still very likely, she has slowly unraveled her personality in a way that is very impressive to me. Through our conversations and my observations, she has dropped some impressive bombs. For example, she was actually a Creative Writing major, she is a huge fan of Bukowski (can't go wrong with that guy), and she is the queen of yoga. (not "OMG-itz-lyke-totz-hawt-yOgA-time-wit-ma bestyz- Yoga like, I-am-going-to-find-the-person-I-am-through-this-meditation- Yoga). I guess the best I can put it would be, I originally saw her as Helen of Troy, pretty, intelligent, yada yada, but now I see her as Madame De Pompadour; so much more.

Handsome Rob. I met this guy in my orientation class when I whispered to my buddy asking if any one played guitar/knew where to find one. When I asked this, Rob leaned over and sheepishly replied, "I do but I don't know where to find one." It probably sounds stupid, but the way that he said, "I play guitar." Impressed me, it didn't come off pretentious, but it didn't come off meek either, he owned it, and that was just great. Rob and I live in the same small town, (Jeungpyeong), and he and I have become really great friends. He has the same soul as Gypsy Jordan in many ways, and that is a massive complement. He was an EMT in Seattle for several years before coming here, he is a black belt in some sort of martial arts that I am sure would/could kill me, pretty damn proficient in Yoga (once again, not the Woo-Girl yoga), loves a good beer, and knows the universe in a way I am excited to learn. Also, he is handsome.

Aunt Nina. I don't remember ever being as envious of someone's experiences as much as I have Nina. She is by far one of the most traveled people that I have ever met. The things she has done and the people she has met has single-handedly set the standard for the life I want to live. On top of all of that, we are just so similar in so many ways. When I met her, I immediately though to myself, "Oh man, there's the party. She is the party." She is a walking party. Traditional partying not excluded. This girl will take a shot of anything with anyone anywhere, but I mean the broader sense of party as well. She is the Marianas Trench of fun. Seriously, you guys, I can't explain how much fun she is. On top of that, she is kind, loving, very down to earth, and has the amazing talent of relating to every person she meets.

Continued in Part II....

I've Got Friends.

I know it has been a while, but Korea is freaking non-stop work, party, food, and hanging out. Not much alone time yet. But here is a little thing I wrote while waiting for a bus.


If I could sum up South Korea in one word, that word would be 'efficient'. If I was given the option of two, I would say 'efficient and beautiful'. I mean both of these words as a larger complement than I have words to describe. (That's why I picked two). No, while my time here has, at times, been stressful, hectic, and terrifying it has definitely not been because of the people. In fact I have survived here in large part because of the people. Whenever I find myself wandering, (often) it's a sweet old couple, or a hip young dude, or a crazy old man that help me find my way. This would not be as easy in LA.

When I get overwhelmed, or upset when thinking about my time here so far, and start to blame the people, or the language, or the lay of the land, I simply try and realize that I am just plagued by the same human flaw that plagues all those poor, negativity driven ass hold on the internet; the problem of self. My dad always said something along the lines of: if you are in an environment where the cards are stacked against you and the people don't like you and things are not going your way, maybe (probably), it is not all of them that is the problem, but you.

The importance of positivity when living in a situation like this cannot be overstated. I would assume the same rule holds in being fully immersed in any culture for an entire year, but with the Korean people there is even less reason to be anything but positive. Of course there are the ass holes here, but for that I blame the human condition, not the Korean people. 95% of people I bow to on the street and greet with an "anyong aseyo" love it, even if they just love the effort.

I wanted to get the serious feeling about the trip out first. I am sorry. Believe me when I say that I will be posting much more about my ridiculous experiences. The story of the spitting old man, out drinking (heavily) with my whole faculty, a Korean man violating every rule of the urinal code of conduct. And yes, I will tell the story of the great bidet incident. (not okay).

Any way, that is about all the blogging I am feeling up to right now! Love you guys!

Living the Dream,

Kyle.

The World is a Beautiful Place & I am No Longer Afraid to Die

Okay.

The paper work I was expecting has come in literally one day before it would have been a very serious problem. I can’t even write about how stressful all of that was. That is a good thing considering the worst is (relatively) out of the way. Now all I have to do is get my Visa on Monday/Tuesday and from there all I have to do is pack.

I am still numb to the idea that I will be leaving the country for an entire year. I will miss weddings and births. I will miss the Southern California winter. I will miss the storms tossing absurdly big waves against the Newport pier. Even as I write that, I don’t think of it as being a big deal but rationally I know it is going to be hard. That has always been something of a problem for me- not fearing/worrying/feeling anything about something that will hurt.

“Hey Kyle we are still on for tattooing your chest tomorrow, yeah?”

“Hey, lets go get our septums pierced after you get off of work.”

“Hey, I like you a lot and I am happy we are dating, but you know I am moving away right?”

None of these things bother me in the planning phase but when the time comes, I always handle the pain like a 7 year old girl.

Now I know leaving on this adventure won’t necessarily be painful, but it will be intense and I will miss a lot of things. I guess the word I mean is “difficult” I am underestimating and pushing aside the thought of how “difficult” much of this will be. I might be just a laid back kind of guy or I might have some kind of disorder that makes me not worry about that part of things, but that is the phase I am in right now. “The welp, I guess I am going to Korea for a year” phase.

Also I have been trying to take more control over my life and personal/controllable destiny.

More on that later.

The Bad Days

Through this whole Korea process I have been unable to shake the feeling of anxiety most often coupled with something going wrong. Everyone is saying, “relax! Everything is in order and you are going!” At first I attributed this looming dread to nerves, simply writing it off because I have never been on an adventure this big before. Now I am for the large majority of the time a very upbeat and positive person but recent news has come to light that has affirmed my previous worries.

A hang up. A big, last minute, terrifying, serious hang up.

As most of you know I walked in the graduation ceremony in the Spring of 2012.

As some of you know I did so with a class and a half (5 units) outstanding so that I could walk with my best friends and take care of the loose ends in the summer. So I did (well I partied and worked full time so I got rid of those units in the Spring.) But I DID finish and I am done with my undergraduate college journey.

As none of you know, I have yet to receive my hard copy diploma. Now a mixture of miscommunication and, to be fair, my ignorance has led me to here. I need my official, finished, transcripts AND my hardcopy diploma in by next week (July 27^th).

So come Monday, I have to call Vanguard, get the number of the outside company that prints the documents, Give them $70 to expedite the damn thing, hope it comes in on time. After that it is just a short trip to get it photocopied, notarized, and apostled (whatever the hell that means) and then putting all of it together and over-nighting it to freaking KOREA.

I am sorry I am venting about all of this but I would just hate to have something so technical and trivial stop my plans for a life changing experience so late in the process. Any prayers, thoughts, or groovy vibes you can send my way would be appreciated. I am kind of freaking out. 

Sowing Season

Alright. So today I woke up to a package on my bed. I opened it and found inside my EPIK contract. That is one way to wake up. In it I found out that I am going to need to be in Korea on August 18^th and that I will be teaching somewhere in the Chungbuk Province. Now while I like being able to sound cultured by saying “Chungbuk Province” I am still a little bit worried about being placed in the sticks. Through my research I have found that there are three  relatively large cities in Chungbuk but I have a really strong feeling that they will be something like the Korean version of Delaware. “We’re in… Delaware…” To quote Wayne’s World. The biggest of these cities is Cheongju so, seeing as I probably won’t find out my city until well into my ten day orientation, I will be crossing my fingers for Cheongju.

                I am looking for a bigger city, not because I am looking to live that McDonald or Starbucks life, but because I am extroverted to a fault. Seriously. I have a four hour limit to how long I can be alone without talking to/hanging out with someone (preferably English speaking). While you might be thinking, “Yeah, but Kyle, this whole painful isolation could be a great learning and growing experience for you” I fear I might go insane and start talking to myself (and responding).

                However, I am a pretty positive guy so I got to look at the upsides!

South Korea is small. Very small. So I will be about twenty minutes from everything worth doing.

I will be about an hour from Seoul.

I will be about two hours from Busan (the beach)

I will be about forty minutes from Daejeon

The list goes on. Also, population-wise, the bigger cities are still bigger than my hometown (Riverside, CA). I called my mom and she made some pretty valid points, as she does when she isn’t busy stressing me out. I could start a novel or a screenplay, I could find myself, this will make me see more of Korea because I will want to leave to the bigger cities. When all is said and done as long as there is a good bar, a good café, and a couple good friends I will be okay.

Also I put in my two weeks’ notice at Disneyland today but I will probably have to come back to that subject when the last day draws a bit nearer. 

I Need You So Much Closer.

So here I am. Working at the "Happiest Place on Earth" waiting to go do the most terrifying thing of my entire life. I will be leaving to go teach English in a public school in Korea in almost exactly a month. At times it seems like I have a while before I have to start making the tougher calls but for the most part I just see myself nearing closer and closer to the mountain. As I approach it rises higher and higher in the sky. Every thumbnail closer that the peak reaches for the moon, is another mile I will have to climb. I do, of course, wish to climb this mountain. With all of my heart I do. The altitude, however, is still intimidating.

One of the most interesting things that has been going on in my mind has been revolving around what I now refer to the "quarter life crisis". Ask any of the friends I have (namely the ones I have had drinks with) and they will tell you that this has been a large part of my ranting for the last few months. I have been folding and pounding the idea like pizza dough in my mind for months now. Just the usual mid-twenties angst/identity crisis/existential meltdown.

You see, I used to ask easy questions like "How am I going to get rent in on time?" "How am I going to date this pretty girl?" "How am I going to pass this class?". Obviously they seem heavy and deep but realistically (and evidently) they were solvable. I say evidently because I did get the rent, the pretty girl, and pass the class. But. BUT. Now I am left with the hard questions like, "Who am I?" "What am I going to become?" "Why am I here?" "What difference am I making, really?". These are the tough ones. These questions, like an exploded pen, bleed into all of my white clothes. And every thing else- music, books, movies, relationships. I care less about that I like or care about these things and more about why. 


I get it Death Cab, I get it. 


 So, now that I know the root of this disease, now I know how to purge myself of it. The solution? Get the hell out. This couldn't have been more perfectly timed with my monumental, year long move. As I mentioned before, I am still simply just approaching the beast but that has proven to not be an easy thing either.

Through my quarter life crisis, leaving everything I know for a year, and trying to find out what every single Death Cab song means I hope I come out of the ordeal being able to hold myself with a little more confidence. I feel, as if the older I get, the more this excerpt from Sartre makes sense. I will leave you with his words, not mine.


 “I have crossed the seas, I have left cities behind me, and I have followed the source of rivers towards their source or plunged into forests, always making for other cities. I have had women, I have fought with men ; and I could never turn back any more than a record can spin in reverse. And all that was leading me where ? To this very moment...” ― Jean-Paul Sartre